Sabotage and self-preservation


Hello.
I’m slightly outraged at the wordpress app and my internet connection for screwing up and deleting my precious previous post. The edited, refined version that no one ever got to read.
No one but me, that is. But that doesn’t count.

I haven’t read in a while. I haven’t immersed myself in a book for hours, like the way I used to. I haven’t bought a book since last year. And ever since my ipad died, I haven’t been downloading new reading material either. For someone who likes escaping reality, it’s incredible how I’ve survived this long.

I’ve just finished reading a very average, very teen book. It’s nothing extraordinary, your typical sappy YA bullshit but for some reason I’m in tears. I’m actually crying over a book again. And I can’t believe this.

It’s called If I Lie, and it was in my recommended section, so I got it. I’m not sure why I’m so touched/moved/a sobbing wreck.
Perhaps it’s because I can relate to the main character, in a way I never have before. I do know what it’s like to keep secrets for your friend, to protect them, to have everyone turn against you and to lose the person you love and consider family. Perhaps it’s that.

Or maybe I’m just a hormonal teen.

Unlike the previous post, may it rest in fucking pieces, I don’t actually have a topic to write about. This is one of those rare moments where I’m just being.

Life update:

I’ve turned 18 and legal.

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Birthday selfie.

Which means I can watch deadpool in less than two weeks. Which is great.

I actually had a morning routine of jogging after dropping my baby brother off at school, but we’re taking a break for a couple of months to spend some 1 on 1 time with him so I probably won’t get to spend my mornings huffing and puffing with the oldies anymore. I do miss walking though. Everything’s a blast when I have my boots on. Unfortunately, I am the only one who thinks they’re cool. Me and this really swaggy old dude who stopped me on the bus to tell me how authentic my boots looked. Guy had a cowboy hat and all, god bless him.

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I feel like I’m closer to the people who matter, now. And I’ve cut out a huge chunk of toxicity in my life, I don’t feel like elaborating on that.

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I have a new favorite green top.

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I'm sorry I look shorter than usual

I finally bought a new wallet! It is the palest shade of pink and the first one I bought on my own.

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I deleted the original

I finally got the red lipstick I wanted only to find out it’s a odd, dark pink on me.

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I’ve finally acknowledged the fact that you can’t help others if you don’t help yourself.
You can’t help fix someone if you’re broken as well.

Good day.

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