How I infuriate people and lose friends; a memoir. Sort of.


I feel like deleting my blog right now; but hey, one day I might find it again after years of ignoring it, read the contents, and laugh.  Laugh till I die. Then I would never have to worry about dumb blogs ever again.

~ Guess who I’ve pissed off recently~

Before I continue I would like to remind you, the reader, that I am an absolutely horrible person and an even worse friend. And I am not changing.

I self-sabotage all my relationships and friendships and I think the underlying cause of all this is that I think I am not worthy of  having friends. Or I think I’m too proud and just don’t appreciate them enough. Pick one.

I actually don’t mind losing friends, it’s something I decided a long time ago. That I don’t need them and that people are easily replaceable.  Also I hate people and it is emotionally draining for me to actually, like, talk to strangers and then proceed to “build” a  friendship.

I’d love to categorize myself as having social anxiety unfortunately my mother and people around me in general would just brush it off as being antisocial, even though I seem to have most of the symptoms of a person suffering from the fear/discomfort of socializing.

Probably won’t publish this but I need to vent out my sadness and emptiness and perhaps if I fill myself up with disgust and cringe-worthy posts it’ll get rid of the emptiness inside.

It is so hard knowing that there are people out there who enjoy and appreciate the things you do but live on the other side of the planet, and knowing that these people exist but being too afraid  of looking for them and too afraid of wasting time with the wrong people just make things worse.

I really don’t see the point in knowing people in real life anymore. It’s not like we live in a time where having friends in faraway places is an impossible thing. Humans have come so far from back when we were, well, whatever we were.  I’m just really upset right now.

It’s like I can’t even post my opinions on the internet anymore. The whole point of posting opinions on the internet is to rant and vent your frustrations knowing that there might possibly be people who agree with you, and if there are, you can join a group chat and bitch about the thing you hate together! Which is great.

I am not a respectful person, I am a rude twat who complains and hates on everything. In fact, I’d go so far as to say I enjoy being a twat because being rude is bEING MYSELF.

I HATE SUCCUMBING TO PEER PRESSURE. I HATE THE OUTDOORS. I FIND OVEREXERTING YOUR BODY POINTLESS. I AM NOT AN ARTSY FART. I DON’T ENJOY THE GUILT THAT COMES WITH FEELING OBLIGATED TO DO SOMETHING FOR SOMEONE; AND I STRONGLY BELIEVE THAT I SHOULD SAY NO TO WHATEVER  WHENEVER I DAMN WELL FEEL LIKE IT, REGARDLESS OF WHAT PEOPLE MIGHT THINK.

I LOVE MOVIES. I ENJOY LISTENING TO FILM SCORES AND SOUNDTRACKS. I THOROUGHLY LOVE THE FEELING OF BEING ABSORBED IN A BOOK. MINIMALIST ART IS THE ONLY KIND I ENJOY. I THINK CONQUERING MOUNTAINS AND SHIT IS WEIRD.  AND THERE IS NOTHING IN THE WORLD I APPRECIATE MORE THAN SOLITUDE AND PRIVACY.

I think I just wrote the most accurate About Me in the history of my life.  Whoop dee doo.

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2 thoughts on “How I infuriate people and lose friends; a memoir. Sort of.

  1. Mike says:

    I loved your latest rant. Why don’t you start doing it in videos? Put them on YT and make some money? It’s happening. That’s the new frontier. Making videos about what ever and putting the shit on YT and making money.

  2. Not Your Mom says:

    I’ve been telling you you should do it on video too because you are so animated and funny…..and you take too long for me to listen to you. And I want to listen to you except you like telling me things when I’m not up to listening and ..I know I do the same to you.

    I just want to tell you that if I were your mom (but I’m not) I’d tell you that it’s perfectly OK to be yourself and infuriate people. You’re rude, inconsiderate and all those things your mom keeps snapping at you and accusing you of because she’s coming from her mother wounds and sometimes she looks to you to get her needs met, which she shouldn’t, actually, which is why if i were her I’d be dating more or going out with more old ladies.

    You have to know that what you do and who you are – they’re not the same things. Just because you are not “nice” does not make you less worthy or deserving of anything – love, wealth, happiness, friends, boyfriends!! The world is just too full of people trying to be “nice” which is their way of saying, “Oh, pity me, please accept me, because if my tribe rejected me, I’d die.”

    I know you want people to like you and that makes you, in a way, more salvageable than me.

    You most probably modeled a lot after your mom – like her “kicking people out of her life” behavior and not being overly concerned about what people would think of you. It’s very liberating to be – to just Be!

    And then you get to a certain point in life where you dissolve all your issues and you start understanding people and you feel compassion towards them. You’re all filled with genuine love and you have so much space inside you that you can accommodate all kinds of situations and how people show up. You’re like a stream of clarity and conscious awareness and you’re going to be OK with everything – all is one and one is all.

    I think that’s called Nirvana. When you reach that place it’s the ultimate do-not-give-a-fuck-about-anyone-or-life-anymore. You’ll be so done. That’s when you check out and say you’re SO done with this reincarnation stuff. No more lessons. Enlightenment. Deliverance. You love but you are detached.

    Remember : “Even though I feel this and this way about myself, I deeply and completely love, approve and accept myself.”:

    “Even though my mom makes me feel like I am not deeply loved, and she doesn’t approve of me or accepts me as I am, I still deeply and completely love, approve and accept myself.”

    It’s so hard being a teenager and living years of protracted adolescence. It gets better. It really does. Maybe it didn’t for Robin Williams. But if I can make it this far you’ll make it further.

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