Cowboys and Aliens. Also known as Lame lasers VS Bones and sticks


FINE! I’m sorry for posting this late okay?! I just kinda fell asleep after typing the first few paragraphs out…and you can’t blame me though, C&A could make anyone fall asleep. Even the nerdiest sci fi fan.

2 days (more like a few weeks ago) ago I went to watch Cowboys and Aliens and I think I can safely say that it is one of the WORST sci fi movies ever. Even Skyline was okay in a weird lame way. But noooo, I had to deal with 2 hours of Daniel Craig’s butt through his transparent pants. <— try saying that real fast! If you like really “Uh? what just happened?” movies with no storyline, Cowboys and Aliens is for you! 😀 Even the title is dumb, I mean Cowboys and Aliens? Should’ve been called Bones and pistols VS Lame Lasers. Even Harrison Ford was boring!  He acted in all the Indiana Jones movies, so I expected him to be a better actor, he wasn’t. He was just this erm….cowboy dude or something he must’ve been someone because everyone was treating him special, and he has a wimpy son who gets abducted.

So this is basically the plot: Uncle Butt( danielle craig) wakes up in the middle of the desert (well duh? see the cowboy part in the title?) and has this very big clunky bracelet on his wrist. The watch/bracelet thing looked like it belonged in the 70’s or 80’s. And he can’t remember anything so he kills a few cowboys who happen to ride by and steals their horses, and there’s this adorable little dog that follows him, so off he goes into town. When he gets there blablabla let’s skip to the interesting (well about as interesting as it gets) part? Aliens attack the little town and he shoots them with his bracelet. oooohhh!!!  -.-”  And of course he meets Ella ( Number 13 from House, her name is Olivia Wilde) and she follows him because apparently the aliens kidnapped her family too. Later on we find ou she’s an alien. Too. (a little too pochahontas/ avatar-ey doncha tink?) And they go on and on and in the end Elle the Alien sacrifices herself to save them or something like that. Life goes on. The end. I wasted 2 hours of my awesome life.

So that’s it! I give it a 0.01/ 10. I mean the story was bad enough, BUTT (hehe!) you HAD to add old dudes in it! I mean dude, SERIOUSLY?! WHYYY??!?!! Meanies. So unless you like old butt dudes in transparent pants (ha!) don’t watch it. It’s for your own good!

When you watch the trailer, you expect a really awesome movie with like the best action actor (another tongue twister there…OMG I CAN SPELL TONGUE!!! TONGUE TONGUE TONGUE!! HAHA!), aka Harrison Ford. But apparently this guy’s really old now, and there’s no Indiana Jones swinging from a rope thing anymore. Sad, isn’t it? 😦

READ ME

Note: Go to youtube, type in “cow”, and the first thing that pops up is Cowboys and Aliens trailer. Heh. As if I wanted to see that…..I wanted to watch flying cows! 😀

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